Sexy Euphemism Faberry
by Anxious-Writer
Summary: This was a challenge from insaneantics21. She challenged me to write a smutty one-shot using only bad vagina euphemisms. I did her one better and ONLY used bad euphemisms. For everything. It was painful to write and would probably be more painful to read. Faberry. Lord save us all.


**A/N:** First of all, I'm sorry. Secondly, I'm _very_ sorry. This is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I started out laughing my ass off and I ended up almost crying with how terrible it is. I'm warning you. It's awful.

**Warning: **This is the worst porn ever. Seriously. It contains a ton of terrible, lady-boner-killing euphemisms. You have been warned.

* * *

Quinn lowered herself over a panting brunette, nuzzling against the girl's collar-bone. She could feel her snatch grow wet when her hips met Rachel's.

"God, Rach," Quinn mumbled against the girl's neck. "I can't wait to fuck your fish taco."

Rachel moaned desperately, grabbing at the blonde's back.

"Quinn," the smaller girl moaned, widening her legs so she could feel Quinn grind against her meat curtains. Quinn purred at the delicious friction, slipping her hands under Rachel's shirt. Her fingertips brushed gently against Rachel's bazongas. Rachel arched her back into Quinn's hands.

"Squeeze my chest berries, Q."

Quinn bit down on Rachel's neck, pinching the girl's suckle-saucers. The moan she received in response caused Quinn to press her vajayjay against a strong thigh below her.

"Fuck, Rachel," Quinn hissed, feeling her magic button press deliciously against the smaller girl. Rachel welcome Quinn's thigh between her own, happy to have direct contact against her coochie.

Rachel grabbed Quinn's hips, guiding them in rough thrusts against her baby cannon.

"Quinn," the brunette panted. "I need—"

Quinn lowered her lips to Rachel's knocker knobs and sucked one into her mouth, nipping it gently.

Rachel slid her hands through the blonde's hair, whimpering.

"Take off your shirt, Q," the small girl commanded. "Let me see those fun-bags."

Quinn sat up and stripped her shirt off, revealing two, perky breasticles. Rachel licked her lips, sliding her hands up to tease the most perfect booby bottle tops that she'd ever seen.

The blonde ground her hips down, desperately needing more friction against her fun tunnel. Rachel stared in awe, at the gorgeous sight above her.

"Please, Quinn," Rachel panted. "Touch my box."

The blonde slipped down Rachel's body, nipping and sucking as she went. She met Rachel's eyes, silently asking the girl if she could remove her pants. She needed to see Rachel's downstairs or she would combust.

Rachel nodded vigorously, lifting her hips to aid the other girl.

"Fuck, Rach. Your love tunnel is so fucking sexy."

"I love it when you talk dirty, Q."

Quinn leaned down and pressed her tongue between Rachel's meat flaps, passing it quickly over her rose bud. Rachel groaned deep in her throat, twisting her hands in the bed sheets. Quinn was making her lose her mind with the way she was licking her velvet glove.

Quinn slid her tongue into Rachel's abyss, moaning at the taste of her honey. Rachel felt like she couldn't breathe. The things Quinn was doing to her were driving her insane.

"God, Rach," Quinn mumbled, slipping her fingers into Rachel's, pressing her thumb against the girl's bean. "You look so fucking hot, riding my face, my fingers…"

"Fuck me, Q," Rachel whimpered. "Fuck my bearded clam hard. Make me feel you for days…"

Quinn pressed her crotch against Rachel's leg before sliding a hand down her own body to caress her pearl.

Quinn felt Rachel's cooter tightening around her fingers.

"Quinn! I'm coming! Quinn!"

The blonde continued pumping her fingers in Rachel's flesh tuxedo, bringing her slowly down from her orgasm. The brunette panted, pulling Quinn up for a kiss.

"Q," Rachel whispered against the girl's lips. "Put your gravy boat on my face."

Quinn moaned in anticipation before lowering her happy valley over Rachel's head. Rachel dug her fingers into the blonde's hips and stuck her tongue out, tasting Quinn's fish sauce for the first time.

Quinn rode Rachel's face, pressing her hairy manilow hard against the girl's lips and tongue.

Rachel slid her fingers into the blonde's hidey hole, feeling it clench around her.

"Cum for me, Q," she moaned. "Cover my face in your jolly jelly."

Quinn couldn't hold back any longer. She came all over the brunette's face, moaning out the girl's name.

Rachel pulled Quinn down to lay next to her.

"I love you, Quinn."

"I love you too, Rach."

* * *

**A/N: **If you made it through this, I'm sorry. You may never be able to hear someone dirty talk again without laughing. I pray that you fall down, hit your head, and get the worst amnesia ever known to man. I am so sorry.


End file.
